Sensemaking with Wolé and Tobi

OFF-SEASON RAW #3

Part 3/4
#unedited #uncut #unscripted
 
 
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OFF-SEASON RAW #2

Part 2/4: Picking up where we left off last time.
#unedited #uncut #unscripted
 
 
 
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OFF-SEASON RAW #1

Part 1/4: A 38-minute clip from a 4-hour conversation. #unedited #uncut #unscripted
 
 
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S3E10 - Wrestling with Original Sins

The one about guilt, regrets, and past mistakes.
Many memories have shaped us as adults, but the ones we are quick to tell, share or actively reflect on are typically the ones that paint us in a good light. Or perhaps mistakes from our early adolescent years which no one tends to hold against us.But how about the mistakes we made as teenagers; the decisions we made that we do not like to speak about, the experiences we have gone through that we find hard to talk about, or the ones we have repressed so hard they start to feel like someone else's past.As we bring our 3rd season to a close, we also wanted to see if we could bring some closure to sins and regrets from our past.
 
 
Timestamps
[02:49] - Feelings of regret
[23:05] - Regrets and people
[27:06] - Past sins
[39:50] - Guilt and Conviction
 
 
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S3E9 - A Tech Odyssey

The one about our bold tech predictions.
 
[start time travel ⏳]
 
The year is 2035.
 
It has been 15 years since the pandemic shut down the world. But at this time, the world has moved on.
Society has capitalised on big tech to innovate, adapt, and advance.
 
Self-driving cars dominate some city lanes, cash has gotten obsolete, robots populate shopping malls and industrial facilities, there is a new "Facebook" - but this time we pay for it to keep our privacy, AI has demolished call centres and put many lawyers out of business, Greta Thurnberg is president of something.
 
In 2035, things are not unfamiliar, yet feel extremely different.
 
It is a better world for some and a much more displaced world for others.
 
[end time travel ⌛️]
 
As we have seen in the last few years, some technological innovations have disrupted the business and social landscape and transformed how we live and work, and that change is only likely to rise.
 
As they say, change has never been this fast, and will never be this slow again.
 
On this episode, we sat with Aije, an old friend from high school and Senior Data Scientist and Statistician at IBM (she also runs a career development-focused page on Instagram). We tried to look into the future and make some tech-related predictions about what the future of business, work, and social life will look like!
 
 
--
Timestamps
[01:34]- Why we're talking about this
[02:34]- Self-driving cars
[06:03]- The future of developed and developing nations
[15:06]- Privacy
[39:25]- The future of jobs and the place of A.I.
[54:40]- Embracing the future of tech
[59:55]- Our big tech predictions
 
 
--
 
 
 
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S3E8 - Strong Black Woman?

The one about black women and associated stereotypes.
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Sometimes we like to joke about our strict, resolute, no-nonsense African mothers, aunts or grandmothers. Those are certainly strong positive images to have of women in our lives, but the problem arises when certain sectors of society refuse to believe any other narrative about black women.
On one side of the problem, that imagery sticks and the women themselves begin to believe it and feel under pressure to live up to such expectations, groaning under the weight of such burdens.From the archetype of the asexual and fierce caretaker to the myth of extreme sexuality, down to the matriarch, black women's lives are constantly depicted through an inaccurate and narrow lens.
On the other hand, black women are also constantly portrayed as adversarial, confrontational, loud and erratic, facing the double discrimination of race and then gender.We wonder if black women are aware of these stereotypes, how they carry them, and if they know the extent to which it affects their daily lives. Also, even as black men, we wonder if we also contribute to some potential harmful stereotypes that do black women no good.
We kicked off the very new year with a very old narrative, the Strong Black Woman featuring Sandrine, a Radio Host @loud_o1 on @k2kradio and Co-founder The Africa investment club.
On this episode:
[03:00]- Black women stereotypes
[15:01]- Black mothers
[20:52]- Jezebels
[27:36]- The role of black men
[33:50]- The role of the media
 

S3E7 - 2020 A.D.

The one about (un)realised expectations and lessons learned.
In January, many of us made plans for 2020 when out of nowhere, the world was compelled to chill, pause, and reevaluate.
Many laughed, many more cried.Many succeeded, many more failed.Many voted, many more protested.Many began side hustles, many more lost jobs.Many got married, many more got divorced.Many began hashtags, many more posted black squares.Many became outspoken, many more were on mute.Many died, many more survived.
2020 has been a life-defining wake-up year for us all. Wherever we belong on the above spectra, we have learnt that the earth will not stop revolving around the sun and life will go on.Facing that harsh reality requires us to reflect on the year gone by, both highs and lows so we can go from being survivors of 2020 to triumphs of 2021.
Listen to Wolé and Tobi on this final episode of 2020 reflect on what has been a packed year.
On this episode:
[02:39] - Expectations coming into 2020
[15:01] - What does "surviving 2020" actually mean
[25:01]- COVID and safety
[42:38]- Biggest takeaways from 2020
[49:07] - Who will you be in 2021?
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S3E6 - X-Rated

The one about pornography and its unintended sex education
Sex has been one of the biggest objects of mankind’s obsession.  
Throughout history, we have seen sex depicted in various forms through art and media. From naked greek statues to the Kama Sutra, all the way to 50 Shades of Grey; sex and nudity have always made their way into the content we consume.
There was a time when access to sexual media involved jumping through many hoops to get that Playboy/Playgirl magazine. But advancements in tech have changed the game, and maybe not for the better.
This vast reach has arguably been more detrimental than helpful to humankind, leaving behind many trails of controversy in the realms of morality, psychology, and personal intimate relationships.
For something so widespread, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of conversation about it around most of our circles, so we think speaking frankly about pornography and sexual media, in general, can help to educate and promote healthy ideas, behaviours and expectations about sex.
We caught up with Amina, a Research Engineer working on Connected and Automated Vehicles and a good friend of Wole.
Enjoy the listen! 
 
Timestamps
[02:01]- First exposure to pornography
[07:19]- The influence of pornography
[13:45]- Sex education?
[19:29]- Reality vs Scripting
[30:30]- A way of living
[31:59]- The false sense of intimacy
[38:08]- Who is porn worse for?
[50:01]- Any "good sides"?
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S3E5 - Outside the Locker Room

The one about men's secret fears
It may not be too surprising why some men might choose to hide their fears from women.
But even when we men get together as friends, it’s still very uncommon for us to talk about our secret fears.
From how we look, to our account balance, to if we're still under 5 ft 5, to rejection, commitment, and disappointment, whew, can’t deny that there’s plenty for many men worry about.
One would have hoped that locker rooms would provide a safe space for men to open up about these fears but that’s rarely the case.
We all have fears that we spend a great deal of time trying to hide. But what happens when we make those fears the subject of a conversation?
Well, we sat down with another old friend, Folu, to find out. Folu is a business developer, amateur photographer and writer, and runs an amazing blog - foluoyefeso.com, where he documents his experiences and interactions with Nigerian places, people and plates!
Timestamps
[02:55]- Your partner's history
[6:59]- The other fear of commitment
[15:20]- Men and emotions
[18:17]- The beard gang
[22:44]- It's all about the body type
[27:38]- The threat of other men
[35:45]- Mo' money mo' problems?
[45:02]- The battles ahead
[48:26]- Leaving a legacy
 
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S3E4 - Cuffing, Curving and Ghosting

The one about adult attachment styles.
Have you noticed you date the same kind of person over and over again? Or do you find yourself needing to be the centre of attention most times?
Part of the answer lies in your attachment style; in how you bonded with your parents/guardians in your childhood.
Our attachment styles describe the ways we interact with and attach to others, especially in adult relationships and so we sat down with Deola, a friend of a friend, to have a conversation about it.
Deola also runs a youtube channel where she shares her views on a range of topics, so be sure to subscribe!
Timestamps
[04:34]- Upbringing
[07:35]- Attachment styles quiz (take the quiz too!)
[17:45]- “What’s your type”
[27:43]- Being in love
[43:53]- Thoughts on attachment styles
[50:13]- Attachment style patterns to drop
 
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S3E3 - Lagos to Qingdao

The one about cultural awakenings.
On this episode, we were joined by Tony as we brought all our childhood and adult perceptions of East Asian/West African culture more broadly to the table and compared both our cultures which may sometimes seem so distant yet quite similar.
Timestamps:
[07:34]- Kung fu movies
[18:22]- Tribes in China
[25:49]- Early stereotypes
[32:34]- "All Asians look alike"
[35:17]- Racism
[49:32]- Interracial dating and the "Yellow Fever"
 
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S3E2 - Me, Myself and I

The one about loneliness
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--
Lockdowns, social distancing, work-from-home. Damn. 
2020 has been challenging for us all for many reasons. One obvious issue is that the pandemic has negatively impacted our social lives. 
Loneliness has been on the rise mainly because our means of physically connecting with the social world has been hindered throughout 2020.
But that aside.
Loneliness has been a public health issue among young adults even before 2020. It is an outbreak of its own, and it is one that predates the pandemic and has struck young adults very hard. 
It goes beyond being single or having no close emotional connections. It can even occur when we have close bonds around.
Many young adults are in transition phases of life, either by relocating, getting new jobs, becoming new parents, entering new/leaving existing relationships, and this means that the feelings of being excluded are only more likely. 
It is no brainer that loneliness is linked to mental health issues, but it can also contribute to poorer physical health.
Despite this, we think loneliness is too often ignored as an issue in society. And so we decided to talk about it, this time around, with a friend, Sandra.
 
Timestamps:
[01:45]- Introductions
[05.50]- First experiences of loneliness
[09:55]- Plant parenthood
[22:03]- Social media
[28:20]- Who knows you?
[33:34]- Cities vs Communities
[41:07]- How do you react to someone being lonely?
[42:57]- Signs of loneliness
[56:06]- Coping with loneliness
[62:01]- ASMR
(You can follow 20s Convos on Instagram to join the conversation! We put out quotes, polls, and videos from each episode every week.)

S3E1 - Shower Thoughts

The one about deep thoughts and existential questions
 
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--
Do you ever have some random and deep thoughts that come to you in unexpected moments, places, or situations? 
Those random or fleeting thoughts that come to mind when you’re in the middle of dull or routine activities.
Those thoughts that happen when we are simultaneously navigating a distracted world while trapped in a world of our own. 
Those thoughts that come when we are in the car, laying in bed, working out, or taking a shower. 
These thoughts aren’t the kind that typically make it to the small-talk table or into our everyday conversations. They are sometimes weird, dark, shameful, ridiculous, or uncomfortable to share. 
What happens when they make it out? Well, let’s find out.
 
(You can follow 20s Convos on Instagram to join the conversation! We put out quotes, polls, and videos from each episode every week.)
 
Timestamps
[07:00]- Destiny and predestination
[14:14]- The afterlife
[16:15]- Aliens?
[22:27]- History
[27:28]- Deepfakes
[30:47]- Flaws of democracy
[36:39]- The bliss of ignorance
[41:00]- The slavery of pets
[44:10]- Talent shows and Rome

The Recap: Season 2

The one about season 2!
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On this season's recap episode, we caught up with 5 of our friends (Oluwatosin, Tymele, Yemi, Chidinma, and Ojuolape) who have all been following the podcast this season. They talked about their favourite episodes, biggest takeaways, and topics they'd like to see us have a conversation about on future episodes.
Follow us on Instagram to find out when we'll be back for our 3rd season! 

S2E10 - Pride and Prejudice

The one about identity politics on a daily.
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...
Us vs Them
Men vs Women
White vs Blacks
Liberals vs Conservatives
Pro-Choice vs Pro-Life...
etc. vs etc.
 
There is a growing concern for us about how we each see the world nowadays.
We've been thinking, do we judge people as individuals or do we judge them by the group they’re affiliated with?
Do we judge others based on how they look, the politicians they voted for, or do we judge them by their thoughts, reasoning, and logic?
Do we rush to assume a lack of deeper understanding when we run into atheists or do we claim some form of superior intelligence when we encounter theists?
How about when we meet someone who is Black? White? Asian? conservative? liberal? Do we assume we know the kinds of people they are based on a collective? or do we seek to understand each person's story?
...
Often we forget that people are much more than societal labels. We become guilty of prejudice, not giving enough credence to the stories beneath the surface.
So on this final episode of our second season, we explored and shared our thoughts around identity politics and its effect on how we relate with the world today.
 
(You can follow 20s Convos on Instagram to join the conversation! We put out quotes, polls, and clips from each episode every week.)
 
Key Timestamps
[01:54] - Categorising our group identities
[12:37] - Digging deep into the concept of diversity
[28:36] - When can identity politics be good or bad?
[32:32] - Thoughts on people getting more fragile and easily offended
[50:07] - The state of the world today 

S2E9 - Bad Boys, Players, and Demons

The one about the Machiavellian Man.
Which male “dark archetypes” do you recognise?
Playboy? Bad Boy? Loverboy? Rake? Yoruba demon? Heartbreaker? Ladies man? The boy next door? 
And which of these archetypes would you high-five, find attractive or rebuke?
Where do you draw the line?
--
Research shows that the dark traits of narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism are more common with men than women. Besides, our social lives will also offer some proof. We all have one/two/three-degree female connections that have been left in despair/trauma as a result of encounters with males with these traits.
Whether these archetypes/traits are attractive to females is not the question or argument here.
The difficulty and genuine confusion for us is understanding the unspoken motivations and reasons behind the manipulative, coercive, apathetic, and entitled behaviours some of us males exhibit in our pursuit of short to long relationships.
So we sat down together to openly and self-critically talk about this, reflecting on our past and present experiences.
--
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Timestamps
[06:19]- Thoughts on the male archetypes[09:39] - Archetypes we fall into[12:18] - Archetypes we draw the line on[20:19] - Thoughts on why males consciously mess up females[35:35] - Thoughts on the socially acceptable strategies of chasing short/long term relationships[45:44] - Potential "benefits" of being promiscuous?

S2E8 - Millennials vs Gen Z

The one about bridging generational gaps.
In recent years, there's been a common misconception that Gen Z and Millennials are essentially the same.
Sure, there is a case to be made for the generational overlaps that exist between them, but we can’t really deny that there are a lot of fundamental differences with how both generations were raised and their views about life.
These differences seem to find expression in our views about technology, the economy, politics, education, career paths, religion, spirituality, family, equality, social justice and a lot more.
This was a conversation between 2 Millennials (your hosts) and 2 folks from generation Z (@sirjvmes & @adeyybasqi)
 
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Timestamps
[03:24] - Generational landmarks
[06:24] - Guest introductions
[09:42] - Generational differences
[13:34] -Social media preferences
[18:26] - Generational stereotypes
[30:26] - Inter-generation dating
[34:50] - Halfway message
[35:30] - Gen z and Millenials thoughts on marriage
[41:40] - Thoughts on each generation's global impact
[47: 43] - Modern ‘careers‘
[53:36] - Final thoughts

S2E7 - Building Careers and Companies

The one about entrepreneurs and 9-5ers.
If you are a 9-5er, you’ve probably heard those people say: “You should be building your dream and not building the dream of others”, or “I don’t date people that do 9-5”, or “working for a company is modern slavery”, or “go and read Rich Dad Poor Dad!!!”
If you are an entrepreneur, you’ve probably also heard these words: “Who are you to start a business?”, or “your idea cannot work”, or “you’re just trying to avoid hard work” or “9 out of 10 businesses fail!”
It’s almost become part of the culture to categorise people based on their job trajectories.
But is building a company better than a building a career or the other way around and are there constraints to taking any of those positions?
On this episode, we sat down with two brilliant women, @abiolaayanleye and @mint___oo  to talk about the pits between entrepreneurship and 9-5s, the overlooked rationales in those debates, and our personal experiences of what each camp brings that aren’t easily seen by everyone.
 
Remember to subscribe to the podcast on the app you're using right now and follow 20s Convos on Instagram to join the conversation! We put out quotes, polls, and clips from each episode every week.
 
Timestamps
[02:00] - Introduction
[07:19] - Pros and Cons 
[20:22] - Thoughts on the “pop culture” of entrepreneurship
[29:50] - The “uninspiring” perception of a 9-5
[33:34] - Thoughts on “passion” vs “convenience”
[41:55] - Gender-related issues/barriers
[50:40]- Thoughts on potential impact of family life on building a career/company
[1:03:00] - Final words

S2E6 - Ready. Set. Parenthood.

The one about the reality of raising kids.
First off, there is a lot of research out there that shows most parents learn parenting practices from their own parents - some they accept and some they discard.
Another popular view that gets thrown around a lot is that it takes a village to raise a child. That said, it looks like millennial parents are raising their kids differently than any generation before them.
With the internet, parents now seem to know more about child development than ever before. The bad news though, it can be overwhelming and sometimes disempowering. 
Sometimes the truth behind all the cute kid posts on social media is that parents are agonising about daily decisions, keeping up appearances and struggling with their new identities.
So on this episode, we caught up with an old-time friend, Afolake, to explore a bit about how we were raised as kids and how we think that will translate to our prospective/current approach to parenthood.
 
Remember to subscribe to the podcast on the app you're using right now and follow 20s Convos on Instagram to join the conversation! We put out quotes, polls, and clips from each episode every week.
 
Timestamps
[06:58] - Expectations about parenthood
[10:34] - Parenting methods
[27:55] - Fears about raising kids
[46:55] - "Half-time"
[47:27] - When's the best time to have kids?
[57:21] - Surrogacy
[59:41] - Adoption
[1:00:05] - Househubands and Housewives
[1:03:57] - Vasectomies and Tubal Ligations

S2E5 - The Househelp Arrangement

The one about domestic workers and cultural nuances.
Did you grow up in a house with live-in help? How many? How much do you remember about how they were treated? How much about them did you know? When did they finally leave? Did they run away? 
Here’s the thing, UNICEF considers domestic work to be among the lowest status and reports that most child domestic workers are live-in workers and are under the round-the-clock control of their employers.
According to one of its reports, “A staggering 15 million children under the age of 14 are working across Nigeria”.
They are generally children from very poor homes, whose parents cannot afford to send them to school or train them in a particular profession or trade.
Nigeria’s laws regarding the minimum age of employment are inconsistent where the Child Rights Act prohibits those under 18 from working, yet the Labour Act sets the minimum age of employment at 12.
So we thought it was worth throwing a bit more light on domestic workers and cultural nuances surrounding the “industry”. 
Remember to subscribe to the podcast on the app you're using right now and follow 20s Convos on Instagram to join the conversation! We put out quotes, polls, and clips from each episode every week.
Timestamps
[00:30] - Setting the context
[03:24] - Our experiences with live-in help
[07:07] - The historical context of domestic work
[09:41] - The middlemen and the "supply network"
[14:32] - Our future plans concerning live-in help
[23:06] - Underage domestic workers
[25:03] - Decoupling the responsibilities/workload
[25:46] - Were our parents "bad" people for having live-in help?
[28:07] - Househelp or Modern-day slave?
[34:18] - The abuse of domestic workers