Sensemaking with Wolé and Tobi

Opinion: Our Relationships with Slaps and Celebrity

Thanks for tuning in and welcome to the off-season, where Wole and Tobi discuss trending issues at home and abroad!

Recap: Season 7

Wole and Tobi sat down to have a conversation about the just-concluded season, highlighting key ideas they took away from each episode in two-minute lightning rounds and wrapping things up with a small peek into the upcoming season.Before you go, please take a couple of minutes to give your feedback about Season 7 by filling out our survey!
 
Enjoy the listen!

S7E10 - What is a Good Life to You?

It's the Season Finale People! And we're wrapping up the season with the notion of building a good life in an unsteady world.
I’m guessing you were born in the 90s like we were. Many of us are still waiting for the fairytale adulthood to begin, even though we are physically there. 
For many, rent consumes half or most of our income, and many of us delay ‘life plans’ waiting to be more settled (which keeps evading). The 2008 crisis, Covid, energy crises, insecurity, terrible government, lack of bare necessities etc. are just some of the frequent stop gaps that we’ve experienced.
Then there are the pressures of social media, the reality of the gig economy, and the rising western ideologies that are demeaning the important traditional values such as loyalty and family.
Amid this noise and chaos, amid all the anxiety and worries that we young adults contend with, how then can we define a good life?
What kind of life would we be okay with?
How can we balance ambition without the tradeoffs that can come back to bite?
How can we all have optimal human functioning when we cannot all have the best ideal functioning?
We hope that as you listen, you realise that we are all in this life journey together, and the journey towards a good life begins with having these same conversations with your friends and family.
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S7E9 - Bullying

How many of us are strangers to experiences of bullying? Either as the bully or the bullied?
If we were to guess, we’d say not many.
We say this confidently because bullying in all forms is rampant in all societies. It is also a very complex experience and hence, a complex topic.
First, bullying can occur in many forms whether through physical, verbal, social, or even online means.
Because of these different shades of bullying, which can also often be done in combination, bullying becomes a more difficult experience to be a victim of.
Second, there isn’t much evidence to suggest that bullying has an age limit. Kids, middle-aged adults, and the elderly can all be victims of bullying.
Third, the effects of bullying on the victims can be difficult to predict and assess, especially in the long term. This becomes problematic because the scars of being bullied can either show up later in adulthood or even shape one's entire journey into adulthood.
For us, this was what made the experience of bullying a wicked problem to try to break down.
We felt that a complex topic like this one required an understanding of as many realities as possible, and we were lucky to have six people share their stories with us.
This episode was presented in narrative form and not like the typical episodes you've grown accustomed to.
We hope you enjoy the listen!
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S7E8 - My Online Persona

Who are you?
What is your real self?
How would your close friends describe you?
Forming our ‘selves’ is a lifelong, intense process, especially while we're young. It is also heavily influenced by our physical environments & the people in those environments.
To establish our ‘selves’, we all experiment with different interests, ideas, and, above all, self-presentations.
By self-presentation, we mean how we package and edit ourselves for our social interactions.
You see, self-presentation is not a bad thing, but quite normal.
It is the reason why your tone might change when speaking to a stranger, the reason why your appearance may change when going on a blind date, and the reason why you might list out all your qualifications before giving a public speech etc.
We are social beings, and we always want to present ourselves to others in ways that are favourable. That seems fair.
But here is where the wicked problem lies.
Unlike face-to-face settings, our self-presentation on social media cannot be applied to one-to-one conversations.
Instead, our self-presentation on social media has to be broadcasted and publicised to everyone at once, in a one-to-many form.
This can be a problem because if we are inclined to present a favourable ‘self’ that can cater to our huge, diverse social media audience, this means that we may exaggerate and dramatise the way we package and edit ourselves.
So in this episode, we spoke about our personal experiences of self-presentation online.
We spoke about how social media provides us with a whole lot more ways of experimenting with ways of crafting different ‘selves’, whether or not our online self and offline self hugely differ, self-presentation gone crazy, and self-presentation in online dating.We think this is a very important way of looking at our digital hygiene, and understanding its impact on ourselves and those we are connected to.
And this is why we deliberately put ourselves on the line to evaluate our self-presentation. And we did so in the hope that our (attempted) transparency will encourage you to make your own evaluation.
Enjoy the listen!
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S7E7 -The Black Box of Forgiveness

"To err is human, to forgive, divine.” ― Alexander Pope
Forgiveness seems to be one of those complex events that we take for granted and assume we understand to the fullest. 
We all know that saying “forgive and forget”. 
Right, like it is that simple. 
Sometimes we equate forgiveness with pardon, condonation, and/or excusing bad behaviour. 
Many times we don’t even know who the act of forgiving is actually for, us or our transgressors?
Many of us espouse its importance, either socially, mentally, or religiously. Yet practising forgiveness in real everyday life often eludes us, and that’s just because it is not a natural reaction.
Trying to unpack forgiveness is a wicked problem but at the same time a necessary one to unpack as it is the start of many other necessary conversations.
In this episode with Mishael, we unpacked what forgiveness means to us, what happens when we forgive, why we forgive, the role of vengeful personalities, forgiveness and wellbeing, forgiveness in cancel culture, and lots more!
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S7E6 - Ghosting as a Breaking Strategy?

Damn, breakups are hard, and we don't mean just with romantic relationships.
If we consider the deep influence couples in relationships, 'situationships', talking stages and so on exert on each other, it is not too surprising that ending relationships can be one of the most emotional, distressing, painful events adults can experience.
One thing that contributes to the distress we experience during breakups is how we communicate the breakup message or experience.
In general, how people break up tends to vary in the level of directness or in the amount of care or concern they express towards the other person.
Some breakups happen directly, with open expressions of the desire to break up. Others involve indirect communication, typically by avoiding the partner.
With our increasing reliance on online communication, people now have new indirect ways of terminating connections, one of which is Ghosting.
Ghosting is unique. It is not like every other breakup strategy because when we do it, it happens in the absence of the ghosted partner immediately knowing that it has occurred.
The immediate impact on them - the ghosted partner, then becomes ambiguity, uncertainty, pain, and hurt.
Now, we aren’t suggesting that ghosting just began in recent times. We can imagine that ghosting has been around since the times of Romeo and Juliet.
But we argue that the ‘ease’ and ‘normalcy’ of ghosting is more prominent today than it has ever been. And that shift is because of the current norm and proliferation of online communication.
Since many of us initiate, develop, and maintain our relationships through texting and social media mostly, terminating our connections with people by ghosting then becomes a way of avoiding these communication channels with a particular person.
But should ghosting be normal? And should it be considered an appropriate way to end relationships? Can any motivations for ghosting be justified? How can we deal with the inevitable uncertainty, pain, and hurt that ghosting brings?
In this episode, we brought back one of our day one guests to tackle this wicked problem of ghosting.
Have you been a 'ghoster' or a 'ghostee'? How was the experience? Let us know!
 
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S7E5 - Yikes! I’m Getting Old

Ageing is inevitable. Yet many of us have a sense of fear, anxiety, or ambivalence about growing old.
For some, it is the pressure of meeting certain ‘milestones’ before a certain age. For others, it is the avoidance of physically looking their age.
This is not surprising given that many of us younger folks apply a range of negative stereotypes to older adults.
These negative perceptions of ageing are steadily reinforced in society, especially through our media and entertainment showcasing youthful images and associating adulthood with physical, mental, and sexual inadequacies.
Then there are the anti-ageing products, the funny greeting cards that highlight ageing as a sort of loss, and the jokes about grey hair that warrant panic.
All of these messages often reinforce the idea that ageing is undesirable.
As with most social issues, the stigma of ageing also affects men and women differently.
For instance, research shows that women are perceived as “old” sooner than men and are more likely to have physical attributes associated with ageing applied to them.
The funny thing here is that these physical signs of ageing such as wrinkles or greying may alternately be viewed as signs of wisdom and status for men.
Overall, whether it is due to changing physical appearance, hitting success markers, or finding meaning in life, the ageing process can often be momentarily or regularly anxiety-ridden.
This is the part where you expect to see something uplifting.
But nope, we are still wrapping our heads around this too.
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S7E4 - Saving Sex for Later

When it comes to #sex and #abstinence, it is a no brainer that our perspective about it greatly depends on our worldview, beliefs, experiences & more.
The journey of abstinence till marriage may seem old-school but our research showed us that it is not as scarce as one may think.
Now, although the internet is replete with pros and cons of practising abstinence, we noticed that several issues, challenges, and talking points have often been met with silence.
For example, we know statistically that the average age at first marriage is rising dramatically across cultures. This means having a moral goal of abstinence till marriage today implies waiting longer to engage in sex than any group has in history, and in a culture that has mostly rejected delaying gratification.
There is also the challenge of ambiguity and subjectivity of abstinence since it can be difficult, due to individual perspectives, to agree on a common and clear description of which acts constitute having sex or abstinence.
But there are also gender-related challenges.
For instance, from a male perspective, understanding and enacting masculinity while maintaining strong commitments to sexual abstinence until marriage can be a difficult and lonely challenge to navigate.
From the female perspective, rhetorics of sexual purity can create mindsets of “sex as a bad thing”. While this might increase the will for abstinence, there is social proof that living many years with that mindset can be a tough psychological nut to crack after marriage.
On the other hand, the extremes of a “sexually-enlightened culture” do not do us any favours either. The lack of emotional intimacy, ignorance towards sexual boundaries and consent, porn addition etc., are just some of the scars that many may bear.
Abstinence till marriage is beyond a belief, practice, or journey. It can be a powerful identity, one whose consequences often gets unravelled after marriage.
Our childhood friends @titothewriter and @big_black_fella joined us to share their stories about their journey of abstinence. They spoke candidly and we listened patiently. We took a lot away from the conversation and we hope the same happens for you..
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S7E3 - If God Is Dead, Then What?

When we recorded “Losing Religion” last season, we aimed to explore the thoughts, motivations, & interests behind agnosticism & atheism at large.
This episode takes a different turn.
It poses more questions about the core of what we’ve largely overlooked, our natural religious instincts.
 
 
You see, there can be arguments made for the idea that the society & culture we inhabit today, is the most post-Christian society that the world has yet known.
And such society & culture does not simply suggest one where agnosticism or atheism serves as the dominant beliefs around. No.
 
 
Rather, we refer to a society whose history is ingrained in the history, culture, & practices of Christianity BUT rejects, or forgets, the beliefs of Christianity, and does not consider it the basis of either its ethics or its culture.
This is why we ask: If God is dead, then what? What happens to our religious instincts? Where do we put that religious longing?
 
 
It gets even more complex.
 
 
What does it mean if much of what Christianity teaches is forgotten or unheard of, but still practised in some way?
Do we sustain the morals and values of the Christian standard (e.g. equality), but claim those unique values and morals as our own and deny their theistic origins?
Also, might there be a paradox in that we use values and morals to easily and intellectually justify certain things that are condemned by a Christian worldview, but then we reject the basis of where those same values and morals emerged?
 
 
There are two assumptions and beliefs here that we require in order to ask or answer these questions.
One is the assumption that religion is truly a natural human instinct.
The other is that the foundation of our morals and values today are historically based on Christian values.
 
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In this episode, we were joined by @drferuke to help us make sense of the potential of living in a society where religion is lost, and what the implications of that can be.
This episode required patience, openness, and deep reflection from us, and we hope that this extends to you and that you find it thought-provoking.
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S7E2 - Unrequited Love

If love is one of the ultimate, most desirable experiences of human life, what makes it so? Giving love or receiving love?
Some have said that receiving love in a somewhat unconditional positive form is a crucial key to happiness and can sometimes feel like winning the lottery.
Others have said that giving love and learning the difficult “art of loving” is the crucial thing that offers us emotional satisfaction, self-realisation, and fulfilment.
 
 
These kinds of claims and thoughts may stem from images and stories of people who are joyfully immersed in loving relationships, and therefore it makes sense that it can be hard for us to separate whether it is the giving or receiving of love that leads to true happiness.
Some will say it doesn't need to be one or the other and that the hope for everyone is that giving and receiving love occurs in the same relational environment and that there will always be happiness at the end of it.
 
 
But what happens when it is a situation of unrequited love? Where one person loves another without the love being reciprocated the way it is desired.
In our second episode of this season, we sat down with Omolara to break down our experiences of unrequited love. Omolara herself has published a book titled - Letters, Stamps, and Seals that detailed her experience of unrequited love through a series of letters that show a progressive journey towards clarity and healing from unrequited love. 
 
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S7E1 - The Dying Art of Conversation

On any given day, we navigate conversations with loved ones, colleagues, and friends, both to connect with people and to communicate with them.
 
We long for real conversation, not always because we knowingly feel that way, but because we yearn to experience the best and most substantial versions of others we come across. We also long for the most real part of ourselves to be understood and liked by the other person. 
 
But how much of a reality is this for the majority of our conversations? 
 
What probably sounds more relatable is arguments and debates masquerading as conversation; contests with a clear winner and sorry loser. 
 
In that case, those times when we are having conversations and making the argument the priority, are those real conversations or are they debates instead? In true conversation, shouldn’t we put people first?
 
If we imagine a life where we placed more emphasis on the consequential benefits of good conversation, then maybe we are more likely to be understood by others, and maybe we become more likely to experience the best of others that we dance with during conversation.
 
In the first episode of season 7, we explored different aspects of what might be the dying art of conversation. It’s not an easy topic to discuss because it’s one of those that are here and everywhere.
 
We also acknowledged that much of our thoughts on this topic are not just to make recommendations, but to also experience how we ourselves are faring in this dying art.
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We’re back for Season 7!

Your two favourite co-hosts are back for the seventh season of the Yellow Pill podcast!
Listen in to find out what we've been up to during a much-needed break and what we've got in store this season.
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Opinion: Africa-China Relations

Thanks for tuning in!
As part of our off-season series, we discussed trending issues at home and abroad.
In this episode, we spoke about the relationship between mainland China and the African continent.
There's been a lot of talk in the news about China's debt-trap diplomacy (a term in international finance which describes a creditor country or institution extending debt to a borrowing nation partially, or solely, to increase the lender's political leverage), but our main focus was around the potential scale of misunderstanding of Africa’s debt commitment to China even as the Asian giant has become Africa’s largest bilateral creditor in the last decade.
 
Enjoy the listen!
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Opinion: A Page From Our Christian Diaries

Thanks for tuning in!
On this bonus episode, Tobi sat down with one of his close friends, Anjola, to chat a bit about the experience of being a millennial Christian focusing on experiences such as being hurt by the church, defending one's faith in public spaces, and a lot more.
Tobi and Anjola tried to make the conversation very practical, so even if you do not identify as a Christian or are generally irreligious, there’s hopefully still something you can take away from what was largely a social conversation.
Hope you enjoy the listen!
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Monologue: Engagement Proposals as Performances

In this new monologue from our off-season, Wole runs through his thoughts on the idea of engagement proposals as performances and the impact culture and history have on the expectations surrounding the act itself.
This monologue was centred around 3 main contemplations:
To what extent are proposals performed front-stage as actual performances.
How proposals are developed backstage behind the scenes.
Why proposals are done the way they are.
Enjoy the listen!
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Opinion: Making Sense of Your 20s

Thanks for tuning in!
 
In this opinion piece from our off-season, Tobi caught up with a friend to chat about a book they had both read titled "The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now" - by Meg Jay.
 
Their conversation was centred around 3 of the main themes covered in the book:
Identity Capital
Weak Ties
Making difficult decisions 
It was a fun conversation and really makes for a timely listen even as we all step into a new year and try to hit new levels of growth across different areas of our lives as twenty-somethings.
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Monologue: Superheroes and Daddy Issues

Thanks for tuning in!
In this monologue from our off-season, Wole runs through his thoughts exploring the relationship between parental figures, masculinity, and superhero films we've all come to love. A lot of comic book superheroes have dead parents. For many, that loss is a defining moment in their backstories that helps to set them on their journey. But is there more to this than immediately meets the eye?
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Opinion: Two-year-old Pandemic, Less Answers

Thanks for tuning in!
As part of our off-season series, we discussed trending issues at home and abroad.
In this episode, we discussed the ongoing 2-year-old pandemic touching on some of the questions, narratives, science, and data that keep popping up. 
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References Used
Community transmission and viral load kinetics of the SARS-CoV-2 delta (B.1.617.2) variant in vaccinated and unvaccinated individuals in the UK: a prospective, longitudinal, cohort study
What is the vaccine effect on reducing transmission in the context of the SARS-CoV-2 delta variant? : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8554481/
Omicron-variant border bans ignore the evidence, say scientists : https://www.icpcovid.com/sites/default/files/2021-12/Ep%20197-4%20Omicron-variant%20border%20bans%20ignore%20the%20evidence%2C%20say%20scientists.pdf
Pfizer revenue and profits soar on its Covid vaccine business: https://edition.cnn.com/2021/11/02/business/pfizer-earnings/index.html
Monoclonal Antibodies for COVID-19: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2776307
Myocarditis after BNT162b2 mRNA Vaccine against Covid-19 in Israel: https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa2109730
VAERS Summary for COVID-19 Vaccines through 11/19/2021: https://vaersanalysis.info/2021/12/01/vaers-summary-for-covid-19-vaccines-through-11-19-2021/
Comparison of two highly-effective mRNA vaccines for COVID-19 during periods of Alpha and Delta variant prevalence: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8366801/
Hydroxychloroquine and tocilizumab therapy in COVID-19 patients—An observational study: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0237693
Pathophysiological Basis and Rationale for Early Outpatient Treatment of SARS-CoV-2 (COVID-19) Infection: https://www.amjmed.com/article/S0002-9343(20)30673-2/pdf
Povidone-iodine solution as SARS-CoV-2 prophylaxis for procedures of the upper aerodigestive tract a theoretical framework: https://journalotohns.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40463-020-00474-x
Povidone-Iodine Use in Sinonasal and Oral Cavities: A Review of Safety in the COVID-19 Era: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32520599/

S6E10 - Beliefs I no Longer Live By

(Hi! Please take a few minutes to fill out a survey we put together about the podcast!)We don’t choose the environment we are born into, yet our environment shapes our core beliefs.
Our families, friends, newsfeeds, and experiences in the world reaffirm the assumptions we have, which then become beliefs, which then become paradigms that are the frameworks for how we live our lives.
From fleeting feelings to intense moments, to the things we observe, hear, and digest at home, media and at school, our views about life are impacted by a range of things, and from early on in life.
Your high school teacher told you that you were good or not good at economics, and a mini-paradigm was born.
Your partner in university always made you feel like you were not enough for them, another paradigm surfaces.
You were unfortunate to have a bad relationship with your parents and they made you feel everyone will leave you in the end, and there goes yet another strong paradigm.
So you become an adult, engage in the wild world, start attempting to live life to the fullest, and one by one, these paradigms that you’ve been immersed in every day come rattling down, to shape your actions and reinforce themselves.
Not everyone goes through paradigm shifts as they age, but we all need them. 
We all need moments and experiences that call for a new understanding of our beliefs and subsequent adjustment in how we think or behave. 
If the world is a tension of good and evil, that means we have all ingrained paradigms that are productive but also many that are toxic.
However, our paradigms and core beliefs, whether productive or toxic, are not always our fault. But it is our job to identify and challenge them, as often as we can.
In this season finale, we wrote down some of the paradigm shifts that we have experienced in recent times and shared them with each other. It was not easy, as it required deep reflection, but we managed to single out a few worthy ones, some personal, others external. 
It is an episode we hope makes you do the same as 2021 comes to a close, and by doing so we hope we can all transform our beings again like the myth of the phoenix.
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