Sensemaking with Wolé and Tobi

S7E4 - Saving Sex for Later

When it comes to #sex and #abstinence, it is a no brainer that our perspective about it greatly depends on our worldview, beliefs, experiences & more.
The journey of abstinence till marriage may seem old-school but our research showed us that it is not as scarce as one may think.
Now, although the internet is replete with pros and cons of practising abstinence, we noticed that several issues, challenges, and talking points have often been met with silence.
For example, we know statistically that the average age at first marriage is rising dramatically across cultures. This means having a moral goal of abstinence till marriage today implies waiting longer to engage in sex than any group has in history, and in a culture that has mostly rejected delaying gratification.
There is also the challenge of ambiguity and subjectivity of abstinence since it can be difficult, due to individual perspectives, to agree on a common and clear description of which acts constitute having sex or abstinence.
But there are also gender-related challenges.
For instance, from a male perspective, understanding and enacting masculinity while maintaining strong commitments to sexual abstinence until marriage can be a difficult and lonely challenge to navigate.
From the female perspective, rhetorics of sexual purity can create mindsets of “sex as a bad thing”. While this might increase the will for abstinence, there is social proof that living many years with that mindset can be a tough psychological nut to crack after marriage.
On the other hand, the extremes of a “sexually-enlightened culture” do not do us any favours either. The lack of emotional intimacy, ignorance towards sexual boundaries and consent, porn addition etc., are just some of the scars that many may bear.
Abstinence till marriage is beyond a belief, practice, or journey. It can be a powerful identity, one whose consequences often gets unravelled after marriage.
Our childhood friends @titothewriter and @big_black_fella joined us to share their stories about their journey of abstinence. They spoke candidly and we listened patiently. We took a lot away from the conversation and we hope the same happens for you..
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S7E3 - If God Is Dead, Then What?

When we recorded “Losing Religion” last season, we aimed to explore the thoughts, motivations, & interests behind agnosticism & atheism at large.
This episode takes a different turn.
It poses more questions about the core of what we’ve largely overlooked, our natural religious instincts.
 
 
You see, there can be arguments made for the idea that the society & culture we inhabit today, is the most post-Christian society that the world has yet known.
And such society & culture does not simply suggest one where agnosticism or atheism serves as the dominant beliefs around. No.
 
 
Rather, we refer to a society whose history is ingrained in the history, culture, & practices of Christianity BUT rejects, or forgets, the beliefs of Christianity, and does not consider it the basis of either its ethics or its culture.
This is why we ask: If God is dead, then what? What happens to our religious instincts? Where do we put that religious longing?
 
 
It gets even more complex.
 
 
What does it mean if much of what Christianity teaches is forgotten or unheard of, but still practised in some way?
Do we sustain the morals and values of the Christian standard (e.g. equality), but claim those unique values and morals as our own and deny their theistic origins?
Also, might there be a paradox in that we use values and morals to easily and intellectually justify certain things that are condemned by a Christian worldview, but then we reject the basis of where those same values and morals emerged?
 
 
There are two assumptions and beliefs here that we require in order to ask or answer these questions.
One is the assumption that religion is truly a natural human instinct.
The other is that the foundation of our morals and values today are historically based on Christian values.
 
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In this episode, we were joined by @drferuke to help us make sense of the potential of living in a society where religion is lost, and what the implications of that can be.
This episode required patience, openness, and deep reflection from us, and we hope that this extends to you and that you find it thought-provoking.
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S7E2 - Unrequited Love

If love is one of the ultimate, most desirable experiences of human life, what makes it so? Giving love or receiving love?
Some have said that receiving love in a somewhat unconditional positive form is a crucial key to happiness and can sometimes feel like winning the lottery.
Others have said that giving love and learning the difficult “art of loving” is the crucial thing that offers us emotional satisfaction, self-realisation, and fulfilment.
 
 
These kinds of claims and thoughts may stem from images and stories of people who are joyfully immersed in loving relationships, and therefore it makes sense that it can be hard for us to separate whether it is the giving or receiving of love that leads to true happiness.
Some will say it doesn't need to be one or the other and that the hope for everyone is that giving and receiving love occurs in the same relational environment and that there will always be happiness at the end of it.
 
 
But what happens when it is a situation of unrequited love? Where one person loves another without the love being reciprocated the way it is desired.
In our second episode of this season, we sat down with Omolara to break down our experiences of unrequited love. Omolara herself has published a book titled - Letters, Stamps, and Seals that detailed her experience of unrequited love through a series of letters that show a progressive journey towards clarity and healing from unrequited love. 
 
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S7E1 - The Dying Art of Conversation

On any given day, we navigate conversations with loved ones, colleagues, and friends, both to connect with people and to communicate with them.
 
We long for real conversation, not always because we knowingly feel that way, but because we yearn to experience the best and most substantial versions of others we come across. We also long for the most real part of ourselves to be understood and liked by the other person. 
 
But how much of a reality is this for the majority of our conversations? 
 
What probably sounds more relatable is arguments and debates masquerading as conversation; contests with a clear winner and sorry loser. 
 
In that case, those times when we are having conversations and making the argument the priority, are those real conversations or are they debates instead? In true conversation, shouldn’t we put people first?
 
If we imagine a life where we placed more emphasis on the consequential benefits of good conversation, then maybe we are more likely to be understood by others, and maybe we become more likely to experience the best of others that we dance with during conversation.
 
In the first episode of season 7, we explored different aspects of what might be the dying art of conversation. It’s not an easy topic to discuss because it’s one of those that are here and everywhere.
 
We also acknowledged that much of our thoughts on this topic are not just to make recommendations, but to also experience how we ourselves are faring in this dying art.
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We’re back for Season 7!

Your two favourite co-hosts are back for the seventh season of the Yellow Pill podcast!
Listen in to find out what we've been up to during a much-needed break and what we've got in store this season.
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Opinion: Africa-China Relations

Thanks for tuning in!
As part of our off-season series, we discussed trending issues at home and abroad.
In this episode, we spoke about the relationship between mainland China and the African continent.
There's been a lot of talk in the news about China's debt-trap diplomacy (a term in international finance which describes a creditor country or institution extending debt to a borrowing nation partially, or solely, to increase the lender's political leverage), but our main focus was around the potential scale of misunderstanding of Africa’s debt commitment to China even as the Asian giant has become Africa’s largest bilateral creditor in the last decade.
 
Enjoy the listen!
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Opinion: A Page From Our Christian Diaries

Thanks for tuning in!
On this bonus episode, Tobi sat down with one of his close friends, Anjola, to chat a bit about the experience of being a millennial Christian focusing on experiences such as being hurt by the church, defending one's faith in public spaces, and a lot more.
Tobi and Anjola tried to make the conversation very practical, so even if you do not identify as a Christian or are generally irreligious, there’s hopefully still something you can take away from what was largely a social conversation.
Hope you enjoy the listen!
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Monologue: Engagement Proposals as Performances

In this new monologue from our off-season, Wole runs through his thoughts on the idea of engagement proposals as performances and the impact culture and history have on the expectations surrounding the act itself.
This monologue was centred around 3 main contemplations:
To what extent are proposals performed front-stage as actual performances.
How proposals are developed backstage behind the scenes.
Why proposals are done the way they are.
Enjoy the listen!
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Opinion: Making Sense of Your 20s

Thanks for tuning in!
 
In this opinion piece from our off-season, Tobi caught up with a friend to chat about a book they had both read titled "The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now" - by Meg Jay.
 
Their conversation was centred around 3 of the main themes covered in the book:
Identity Capital
Weak Ties
Making difficult decisions 
It was a fun conversation and really makes for a timely listen even as we all step into a new year and try to hit new levels of growth across different areas of our lives as twenty-somethings.
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Monologue: Superheroes and Daddy Issues

Thanks for tuning in!
In this monologue from our off-season, Wole runs through his thoughts exploring the relationship between parental figures, masculinity, and superhero films we've all come to love. A lot of comic book superheroes have dead parents. For many, that loss is a defining moment in their backstories that helps to set them on their journey. But is there more to this than immediately meets the eye?
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Opinion: Two-year-old Pandemic, Less Answers

Thanks for tuning in!
As part of our off-season series, we discussed trending issues at home and abroad.
In this episode, we discussed the ongoing 2-year-old pandemic touching on some of the questions, narratives, science, and data that keep popping up. 
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References Used
Community transmission and viral load kinetics of the SARS-CoV-2 delta (B.1.617.2) variant in vaccinated and unvaccinated individuals in the UK: a prospective, longitudinal, cohort study
What is the vaccine effect on reducing transmission in the context of the SARS-CoV-2 delta variant? : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8554481/
Omicron-variant border bans ignore the evidence, say scientists : https://www.icpcovid.com/sites/default/files/2021-12/Ep%20197-4%20Omicron-variant%20border%20bans%20ignore%20the%20evidence%2C%20say%20scientists.pdf
Pfizer revenue and profits soar on its Covid vaccine business: https://edition.cnn.com/2021/11/02/business/pfizer-earnings/index.html
Monoclonal Antibodies for COVID-19: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2776307
Myocarditis after BNT162b2 mRNA Vaccine against Covid-19 in Israel: https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa2109730
VAERS Summary for COVID-19 Vaccines through 11/19/2021: https://vaersanalysis.info/2021/12/01/vaers-summary-for-covid-19-vaccines-through-11-19-2021/
Comparison of two highly-effective mRNA vaccines for COVID-19 during periods of Alpha and Delta variant prevalence: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8366801/
Hydroxychloroquine and tocilizumab therapy in COVID-19 patients—An observational study: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0237693
Pathophysiological Basis and Rationale for Early Outpatient Treatment of SARS-CoV-2 (COVID-19) Infection: https://www.amjmed.com/article/S0002-9343(20)30673-2/pdf
Povidone-iodine solution as SARS-CoV-2 prophylaxis for procedures of the upper aerodigestive tract a theoretical framework: https://journalotohns.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40463-020-00474-x
Povidone-Iodine Use in Sinonasal and Oral Cavities: A Review of Safety in the COVID-19 Era: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32520599/

S6E10 - Beliefs I no Longer Live By

(Hi! Please take a few minutes to fill out a survey we put together about the podcast!)We don’t choose the environment we are born into, yet our environment shapes our core beliefs.
Our families, friends, newsfeeds, and experiences in the world reaffirm the assumptions we have, which then become beliefs, which then become paradigms that are the frameworks for how we live our lives.
From fleeting feelings to intense moments, to the things we observe, hear, and digest at home, media and at school, our views about life are impacted by a range of things, and from early on in life.
Your high school teacher told you that you were good or not good at economics, and a mini-paradigm was born.
Your partner in university always made you feel like you were not enough for them, another paradigm surfaces.
You were unfortunate to have a bad relationship with your parents and they made you feel everyone will leave you in the end, and there goes yet another strong paradigm.
So you become an adult, engage in the wild world, start attempting to live life to the fullest, and one by one, these paradigms that you’ve been immersed in every day come rattling down, to shape your actions and reinforce themselves.
Not everyone goes through paradigm shifts as they age, but we all need them. 
We all need moments and experiences that call for a new understanding of our beliefs and subsequent adjustment in how we think or behave. 
If the world is a tension of good and evil, that means we have all ingrained paradigms that are productive but also many that are toxic.
However, our paradigms and core beliefs, whether productive or toxic, are not always our fault. But it is our job to identify and challenge them, as often as we can.
In this season finale, we wrote down some of the paradigm shifts that we have experienced in recent times and shared them with each other. It was not easy, as it required deep reflection, but we managed to single out a few worthy ones, some personal, others external. 
It is an episode we hope makes you do the same as 2021 comes to a close, and by doing so we hope we can all transform our beings again like the myth of the phoenix.
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S6E9 - The Science of Booing Up

In this episode, we dove into a conversation around the laws of nature when it comes to mate selection. Yes, you read that right, mate selection.
This was partly inspired by the work of evolutionary theorist, David Buss on sex differences in choosing a short or long-term partner.
According to Buss, we all create strategies and preferences in mate selection, but these are different for men and women.
Now, many of you will no doubt have your opinions and doubts about modern relationships, gender roles, romance structures and so on. And that's more than expected. 
For instance, you might already know that a person's social status,  financial prospects, age, physical appearance, dependability, stability etc. are some of the factors we consider when choosing partners.
Yes, these phenomena are common knowledge- but the real reason WHY we have these preferences is where the surprise lies.
The fact is we sometimes assume our preferences for short or long term partners are simply down to our personality, culture, or beliefs.
But many of us seem to consistently overlook the complex biological and evolutionary algebra that shapes all of that.
And so we run the risk of making a mess of our decisions when it comes to vetting and making a decision on who we want to be with.
So we sat down with Esi to discuss the science behind mate selection and choosing partners- benchmarking the science with our lives and relationship history to evaluate the fits and gaps.
It ended up being an episode filled with a lot of tea!
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S6E8 - Welcome to the Men‘s Club

As young boys, one could say male friendships tended to come more naturally for us.
But as we’ve grown older, you can argue that men mostly have associations they share a common interest with - replacing interpersonal bonds that arise from a relationship of mutual affection with mostly a system of social hierarchy or activities that don’t require talking or conversation.
Maybe it's because society by default tends to breed men who are meant to be autonomous and emotionally stoic, and so this results in men who see and build friendships through the eyes of “markers of manhood” - like wealth, status, physical prowess, and sexual achievement.
So on this episode, we took a look at two things: 
1. Why it is that men sometimes find it difficult to build friendships2. How men build friendships amid social hierarchy
Enjoy the listen!
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S6E7 - Love Under the Skin

Many of us make assumptions about interracial relationships, but do we really understand how interracial couples experience their relationship together? whether they see themselves as “interracial”? and what struggles and challenges they face?
In this episode, we sat down with our lovely friends Dabi and Jon to discuss how they perceive and negotiate their journey as a couple of different races and cultures.
In our 90 minutes together, they shared how they came together, their views and experiences as an interracial couple, relationships with family and outside influences, the value of each other’s culture in their relationship whilst documenting the joyful and challenging moments. They also offered tips on how they overcome them.
One key thing we learned among many is that while we may see interracial couples and immediately see the differences in their skin colour, for them that takes the backstage as their identities and personalities remain the glue that holds them together.
Enjoy the listen!
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S6E6 - Opposite-Sex Friendships

Okay, let's start by saying that the idea that men & women (heterosexual) cannot be friends is antiquated.
But it’s also not that simple.
In some ways, some of us see opposite-sex friendships the same as same-sex friendships. We initiate them for the same reasons like shared interests, companionship, good times etc.
But are these the only ‘coincidental’ ’reasons?
Are there any other reasons and motives why we form & maintain opposite-sex friendships?
And are our motives always what we think they are?
 
So in this episode with @itss_yemi, we shared our understandings of opposite-sex friendships.
All 3 of us have quite a number of opposite-sex friends, so we had rich experiences to reflect on.
We shared how we managed physical attraction, we reflected on those friendships that began by coincidence vs with motives, & we also questioned each other's motives of maintaining opposite-sex friends while in romantic relationships.
We also used theories from scientific studies to question our motives in such friendships.
So, why do we form or maintain opposite-sex friendships?
Well, that answer seems to depend on whether you think like a man or a woman.
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S6E5 - Surviving Violent Crimes

Growing up in certain parts of the world can be an extreme sport, with some areas being more extreme than others.
For those of us who grew up in Nigeria, living with some levels of insecurity is kind of the norm.
From kidnappings to carjackings, religious killings, armed banditry, ethnic clashes and more, these violent crimes have increasingly become regular signatures that characterise life in Nigeria.
The odds are that majority of us have encountered such violent crimes, crimes that have brought us uncomfortably close to an encounter with death.
So in this episode, we invited Omotola to join us as we shared our individual terrifying experiences with crime and insecurity, experiences that could easily have been fatal. 
One thing we relearnt in this episode is that although everyone has a right and a reason to be resentful towards others and about life, we all also have a reason or two to be grateful.
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S6E4 - The Fertility Game

One of the modern social norms that we all voluntarily practice in our 20s or 30s, compared to a century ago, is the postponement of childbearing.
This is usually because we delay marriage, or pursue educational or career goals, or wish to first secure some economic stability.
Because of this, the common thing we are often taught or seek out to be aware of is knowing how to protect against pregnancy during our pursuit of these other goals.
But during this phase, rarely do we ponder on the state of our fertility or reproductive health. And maybe that’s normal.
However, should that be the case 🤔?
Improving one's knowledge about fertility should be part of a normal conversation in our social circles, the same way we talk about our career, finances, travel and everything else.
This is why we put this episode together with Ojuolape, and we had lots of fun and lessons doing so.
We spoke about the stigma around the early fertility conversation, the rising infertility rates in the world, the social pressure of pregnancy expectations, abortions and a lot more!!!
Enjoy the listen!
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Subscribe to The Mind Nodes newsletter on Substack by Ojuolape
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S6E3 - The Tyranny Around Us

The history we all share is replete with injustice, often spearheaded by people and systems in power.
If you take a historical journey through the 20th and 21st centuries, you might easily spot infamous Tyrants who have spurred injustice across all continents.
In this episode, we used the Tyranny Playbook from the Netflix docu-series, HOW TO BECOME A TYRANT, as a guide to see possible repeating patterns of tyranny in our present world. 
As Nigerians, we couldn’t avoid the reality of what the #EndSARS protests from last year have revealed about our government in power, and using the Tyranny playbook gave us the vocabulary to try and understand how close or far we are from living in a truly tyrannical society. 
This episode got more animated as we took the tyrannical playbook into the context of cancel culture, modern social justice, and everyday social participation. 
It was not a rosy debate. 
But for us, the value we believe you will get from this episode lies in the personal and societal reflections that we hope it spurs you into making while listening. 
Set your alarms and notifications because you don't want to miss this when it drops! 
We hope you enjoy it! 💛
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S6E2 - Losing Religion

If you believe in a “higher power”, what do you think about others who don’t? If you don’t believe in any “higher power”, what do you think about those who do?
It’s not very common that people of different beliefs sit down together to discuss and debate their thoughts with the intention to learn and understand. This is what we tried to do in this episode with Sydney.
We sat down on our armchairs with Sydney to explore agnostic atheism and scepticism about God and aimed to prove that learning can occur in the presence of varying beliefs or stances about God without having heated or radical debates.
Without giving any spoilers, we can promise you that this episode was a fantastic conversation and a sincere discussion that is very much worth a listen regardless of your beliefs.
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