Sensemaking with Wolé and Tobi

S6E8 - Welcome to the Men‘s Club

As young boys, one could say male friendships tended to come more naturally for us.
But as we’ve grown older, you can argue that men mostly have associations they share a common interest with - replacing interpersonal bonds that arise from a relationship of mutual affection with mostly a system of social hierarchy or activities that don’t require talking or conversation.
Maybe it's because society by default tends to breed men who are meant to be autonomous and emotionally stoic, and so this results in men who see and build friendships through the eyes of “markers of manhood” - like wealth, status, physical prowess, and sexual achievement.
So on this episode, we took a look at two things: 
1. Why it is that men sometimes find it difficult to build friendships2. How men build friendships amid social hierarchy
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S6E7 - Love Under the Skin

Many of us make assumptions about interracial relationships, but do we really understand how interracial couples experience their relationship together? whether they see themselves as “interracial”? and what struggles and challenges they face?
In this episode, we sat down with our lovely friends Dabi and Jon to discuss how they perceive and negotiate their journey as a couple of different races and cultures.
In our 90 minutes together, they shared how they came together, their views and experiences as an interracial couple, relationships with family and outside influences, the value of each other’s culture in their relationship whilst documenting the joyful and challenging moments. They also offered tips on how they overcome them.
One key thing we learned among many is that while we may see interracial couples and immediately see the differences in their skin colour, for them that takes the backstage as their identities and personalities remain the glue that holds them together.
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S6E6 - Opposite-Sex Friendships

Okay, let's start by saying that the idea that men & women (heterosexual) cannot be friends is antiquated.
But it’s also not that simple.
In some ways, some of us see opposite-sex friendships the same as same-sex friendships. We initiate them for the same reasons like shared interests, companionship, good times etc.
But are these the only ‘coincidental’ ’reasons?
Are there any other reasons and motives why we form & maintain opposite-sex friendships?
And are our motives always what we think they are?
 
So in this episode with @itss_yemi, we shared our understandings of opposite-sex friendships.
All 3 of us have quite a number of opposite-sex friends, so we had rich experiences to reflect on.
We shared how we managed physical attraction, we reflected on those friendships that began by coincidence vs with motives, & we also questioned each other's motives of maintaining opposite-sex friends while in romantic relationships.
We also used theories from scientific studies to question our motives in such friendships.
So, why do we form or maintain opposite-sex friendships?
Well, that answer seems to depend on whether you think like a man or a woman.
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S6E5 - Surviving Violent Crimes

Growing up in certain parts of the world can be an extreme sport, with some areas being more extreme than others.
For those of us who grew up in Nigeria, living with some levels of insecurity is kind of the norm.
From kidnappings to carjackings, religious killings, armed banditry, ethnic clashes and more, these violent crimes have increasingly become regular signatures that characterise life in Nigeria.
The odds are that majority of us have encountered such violent crimes, crimes that have brought us uncomfortably close to an encounter with death.
So in this episode, we invited Omotola to join us as we shared our individual terrifying experiences with crime and insecurity, experiences that could easily have been fatal. 
One thing we relearnt in this episode is that although everyone has a right and a reason to be resentful towards others and about life, we all also have a reason or two to be grateful.
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S6E4 - The Fertility Game

One of the modern social norms that we all voluntarily practice in our 20s or 30s, compared to a century ago, is the postponement of childbearing.
This is usually because we delay marriage, or pursue educational or career goals, or wish to first secure some economic stability.
Because of this, the common thing we are often taught or seek out to be aware of is knowing how to protect against pregnancy during our pursuit of these other goals.
But during this phase, rarely do we ponder on the state of our fertility or reproductive health. And maybe that’s normal.
However, should that be the case 🤔?
Improving one's knowledge about fertility should be part of a normal conversation in our social circles, the same way we talk about our career, finances, travel and everything else.
This is why we put this episode together with Ojuolape, and we had lots of fun and lessons doing so.
We spoke about the stigma around the early fertility conversation, the rising infertility rates in the world, the social pressure of pregnancy expectations, abortions and a lot more!!!
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S6E3 - The Tyranny Around Us

The history we all share is replete with injustice, often spearheaded by people and systems in power.
If you take a historical journey through the 20th and 21st centuries, you might easily spot infamous Tyrants who have spurred injustice across all continents.
In this episode, we used the Tyranny Playbook from the Netflix docu-series, HOW TO BECOME A TYRANT, as a guide to see possible repeating patterns of tyranny in our present world. 
As Nigerians, we couldn’t avoid the reality of what the #EndSARS protests from last year have revealed about our government in power, and using the Tyranny playbook gave us the vocabulary to try and understand how close or far we are from living in a truly tyrannical society. 
This episode got more animated as we took the tyrannical playbook into the context of cancel culture, modern social justice, and everyday social participation. 
It was not a rosy debate. 
But for us, the value we believe you will get from this episode lies in the personal and societal reflections that we hope it spurs you into making while listening. 
Set your alarms and notifications because you don't want to miss this when it drops! 
We hope you enjoy it! 💛
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S6E2 - Losing Religion

If you believe in a “higher power”, what do you think about others who don’t? If you don’t believe in any “higher power”, what do you think about those who do?
It’s not very common that people of different beliefs sit down together to discuss and debate their thoughts with the intention to learn and understand. This is what we tried to do in this episode with Sydney.
We sat down on our armchairs with Sydney to explore agnostic atheism and scepticism about God and aimed to prove that learning can occur in the presence of varying beliefs or stances about God without having heated or radical debates.
Without giving any spoilers, we can promise you that this episode was a fantastic conversation and a sincere discussion that is very much worth a listen regardless of your beliefs.
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S6E1 - The ”Unwanted” Men

To kick off our sixth season, we tackled the concept of involuntary celibacy, and why this state of mind is perceived as a social reality by certain groups of men.
The world as we know it does not have one understanding of masculinity. While researching for this episode, we were fascinated to learn that there’s a community of men out there who have bonded over the perception that they are unable to attract women and have therefore labelled themselves victims of gendered oppression.
These are the men branded as ‘Incels’.
On this episode, we tried to make sense of such male victimhood and talked about why certain men hold hostile and violent views towards women and blame women for their low place in the social hierarchy.
We questioned whether this case of male victimhood was a ‘western’ problem or whether traits of this ideology exist within our own culture as Africans. We questioned whether African men also demonstrate male victimhood, possibly in different ways.
One conclusion we couldn’t settle on was whether the idea of male victimhood is a disease with its origins rooted in a dystopia or a symptom of something much deeper that we all have played a part in.
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We‘re back for Season 6! (Trailer)

Wolé and Tobi are back for the sixth season of The Yellow Pill!

S6E0 - From 20s Convos to The Yellow Pill

Wondering why we changed the name of the podcast? Listen to this episode to hear our back-story!

Opinion: Trans Athletes, ADHD, and The Olympics

Hey hey!
As part of our off-season series, we discussed trending issues at home and abroad.
In this final episode, we discussed the recently concluded Olympics in Tokyo and all the surrounding controversies.
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Opinion: Vaccines and a Two Tier Society

As part of our off-season series, we discussed trending issues at home and abroad.
In this episode, we spoke about vaccine passports and the perceived implications for freedom, fairness and discrimination.
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Opinion: Only Fans and Oligopolies

As part of our off-season series, we discussed trending issues at home and abroad.
In this episode, we discussed Only Fans and the business and social implications of its most recent controversy
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Opinion: Joe and The Taliban

Hi everyone, thanks for tuning in!
As part of our off-season series, we discussed trending issues at home and abroad.
In this episode, we discussed the Joe Biden presidency, the withdrawal of the US from Afghan, and perceptions of the Taliban.
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S5E10 - Purpose and Ambition

We have all heard people say we all have a purpose to fulfil on earth and that we have to find it at all costs. 
When we think of those who have found their "purpose", the immediate thoughts can often be of those who have gone on to do extraordinary things in various fields.
One may then naturally assume that everyone's purpose and ambition should be magnanimous, or should be achievements that lay on top of an arbitrary hierarchical structure.
But if someone is at the top of various kinds of hierarchies of the world, whether it is in tech, sports, fashion, medicine, or even YouTubing, then there have to be people in the middle and at the bottom, right? 
And for those at the said "middle" or "bottom" of the hierarchies of life, what does the idea of purpose and ambition mean for them? 
Do they not have a purpose? 
Is it easy to just say they lack ambition? 
Or is their position on that hierarchy their actual purpose?
If there is a reason we all exist, and if we all have a purpose, then how do we account for those who live "meaningless" lives, those who get terrible luck with a disease, those who are born into war-stricken nations, those who don’t make it to their teenage years. 
Was that their purpose? Or destiny? How can we explain that?
And yes you might say, "people need more ambition, for without it purpose cannot be fulfilled". But then at what point do we account for the role opportunity, privilege, timing, nationality, and other factors play. Factors that we had no part to play in.
Of course, we know many of you will draw on philosophical or religious standings to make sense of your reason for existing on earth. And a few of you may think all of this talk is just meaningless.
In our final episode of the season with Olumide, we tried to untangle these ideas that stem from our various moments of existential crises. 
We cannot say we did so successfully or not. All we can say is that we tried, and such thoughts may not be answered for a while.
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S5E9 - ”Moral Masturbation”

“Sometimes I wonder if there’s such a thing as too much awareness of social causes and injustices. Some awareness is better than none. But constant awareness turns into moral masturbation at some point” - Mark Manson, (13/05/21 via Twitter)
This tweet was one of those tweets you run into that spark deep contemplation.
In the last couple of years, we can say that we have been exposed to and made aware of numerous social issues that have both been local and global. This awareness has been good for the mere fact that before the internet, most people would have otherwise been ignorant of such suffering and injustice in the world. And as Mark said, some awareness is better than none. 
But can this constant awareness ultimately produce diminishing returns? 
Could it be that knowing about all the bad going on becomes detrimental?
And can we sometimes be found guilty of moral self-righteousness?
 
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S5E8 - The Personality Test

If you have seen any love-reality show out there, you have probably heard a contestant say “I love someone with a good personality”. To be honest, almost everyone says that.
We know personality matters in everything. 
It helps you strike business deals, it helps you get ahead in job interviews, it helps you in romance, it can even make the difference in life or death scenarios.
So it might be fair to say most people want a ‘good’ enough personality to be desirable in the world.
But what makes a personality good?  
In this episode, we got 8 of our friends to send us voice notes stating their first impressions about us, what they like and dislike, and what we should change about ourselves.
We reacted to these entries live on the recording, and it could not have been any more fun. More importantly, it was way more enlightening and useful for our personal development than we ever expected. 
We hope you love this, and we encourage you all to try the same thing!
 
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S5E7 - Fatherhood

Last season, we spoke about the realities of life after birth for new mothers. It was so good we knew we had to do it twice! But this time, it had to be from the perspectives of new dads!
Because we both hope to be dads someday (later later), this episode led to moments where we took a lot of mental notes, where we laughed, and where we asked some scary controversial questions.
We sat on our armchairs with two friends, Seun and Eric, to talk about their new life as new and young dads. 
We touched on their unique experience of labour day, as well as the good, bad, shocking, unexpected moments pre & post-baby. We learnt about the fears they had in those moments and the sudden feelings of knowing there was a new human being to look after.
We also caught a good glimpse of how a dad’s love begins. How that love is expressed, and how it translates into how they perceive their roles as fathers. 
We think this was quite a lovely episode, and we are grateful to Seun and Eric for sharing their fatherhood journey so far with us.
A special shout out goes out to their wives as well! ;) 
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S5E6 - It‘s Never Just Hair

“When I was a teenager, I tried to chemically alter the natural state of my hair. I know why I did it. I was conforming to what seemed cool, classy, and maybe more ‘attractive’. 
Now, I feel lucky that I didn’t have to let the chemicals rule over me into my adult years. But my hair story is not unique. It’s one of many kinds” - Wolé
In this episode, we spent 90 mins with Portia and Yemi talking about hair. Yes, hair.
Hair may seem like a mundane subject, but it has huge implications for how we as black people experience the world.
For many black women (and men), hair is not just hair. It has emotive qualities connected to our lived experience in society, regardless of where such society exists -Africa, Europe, America or beyond.
For us Africans, hair has always been deeply symbolic. For instance, how we wear our hair may have religious connotations, it may play a key socio-cultural role, and of course, it may serve as a way of self-expression. 
It then only felt right that we tackle how our identity gets tied to the relationship and presentation of our hair.
We wrestled with the main narrative of Black hair issues which was centred around three dilemmas: good/bad hair, natural/unnatural, and authentic/inauthentic.
We won’t give too much away, but we learnt that no matter what a black woman does with her hair, her hair will likely influence how others respond to her.
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S5E5 - Dealing with Grief

The one about life after losing a loved one.
Grief
 /gri:f/ : An intense sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death. 
Research suggests that we have a 100% chance of dying. 
Sarcasm aside, there's a high chance 1 of 2 people reading this have said the words “I’m sorry for your loss” at some point.
Even worse, there’s also a chance some of you reading this have had those words said to you, especially after the loss of a loved one.
Grief is often not the topic of conversation on any random day. But for those who experience it, it never truly leaves their minds, even on those random days.
When you lose someone close to you, your life and identity as you know it changes. There’s a new normal. 
We want to thank Ade and Bukola for joining us and co-creating a safe space to have this 100-minute conversation about grief and share their experiences about all of the above and more. 
They showed us courage, truth, patience, and much more. We can’t thank them enough.
To everyone who has lost a loved one, whether recently or a long time ago, please remember grief has no expiry date and we pray you find strength not to move on, but to keep moving forward as you live with your loss. ❤️
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